People We Love Who Hate

There is a mantra amongst the more moderate of our Christian neighbors that we should hate the sin and love the sinner. Interesting, no? Sounds great. Let's forget that pretty much anything that you REALLY want to do is a sin. I'm kinda partial to gluttony and lust myself. I'll sneak in some pride too, from time to time. I really don't require anyone's forgiveness, and because I'm causing no harm to others I don't really see why anyone would care. But, if you want to care, be my guest. Pray for me, if you wish.

I'd like to return the favor. I won't pray for you. I am an atheist. But I think there may be something to this "love the sinner, hate the sin" thing. So, I'm going to love the homophobic, and hate the homophobia. I am going to love the misogynist, and hate the misogyny. I am going to love the racist, and hate the racism. The really bizarre thing is, none of these is a sin and all of these do real harm to real people.

Think about the folks that you know and care very much about. We may say something to them when they say something intolerant or we may not. I live in a redneck haven. Since we all have a tendency to project (take my advice and stop doing this , you are almost certainly misjudging the person you are talking to. We ALL think we are good judges of character), you'd be amazed at the things people feel perfectly comfortable saying to me.

You see, I am a very white man living in a very white state. The thing is, I'm not quite so white as my friends think. My long time friends will know this, having met my mother (although she is sometimes mistaken as Italian). But my mother and I are not close, and live in different states, so most of my friends do not know that I am not lily white. So, when the not infrequent stupid joke comes out, I have a decision to make. Do I want to invest in this person or not.

Kind of an odd type of racism, eh? A white man, who knows nothing about what it means to be a black man, talking like he does. I'm not, though. I'm telling my unique story. See, I never had to try to "pass". And I grew up in a time where people probably would have said less to me about it if they HAD known. My mother couldn't "pass" in a time when people definitely let her know what they thought she was worth.

Racism. The thing is, it's never the people you suspect. And when it happens, at a party, or some other gathering...when that joke comes and you can see the punch line from the first 3 words...More bridges to build.

Misogyny. This problem is as old as humankind. We just don't learn. It's such a part of who we are, that we don't even notice it anymore. Sure, we might see or hear the overt violence in video games and lyrics. But is it also as simple as expecting less from your daughter, since she'll have a man to provide for her? And even in these "enlightened" times, what woman would want to testify against her rapist, knowing that she is really on the stand to prove that she wasn't asking for it? I tend to steer clear of women's issues, because I have a penis. But I have to be involved to the extent that I am complicit. I think that the fact that most men don't give women's issues much thought is misogynistic in and of itself. More bridges to build.

Homophobia. I am a left wing nut-job, but this one is my demon. I have absolutely nothing against people living their lives in a way that makes them happy. Gay marriage has no effect on my marriage. No, I really don't care. The thing is, homosexality does kinda make me uncomfortable. I recognize that this is a huge flaw in me as a loving human being. I am ashamed of it. Before you judge me too harshly, just know that I am a better person than I once was, and I will be a better person than I am now. Someone out there will see potential in me and make an investment, even though they are horrified by my weakness and the potential for real damage that my prejudice can cause.

Now, there are some real haters out there. I'm not talking about the ones that can't be reached. But what about the ones who can? And you don't REALLY know which is which. It is so much harder to reach out to someone who offends you than it is to turn your back on them. In that moment, there seems no good reason to know a hater. But once you've found a cancer, you can treat it. Let's build some bridges.

Much love.